Feminism in translations

This will be a series in which I translate well known feminists works or parts of their writings from Swedish to English and talk a little about my point of view. Let us begin.

Written by Fanny Åström:

Top 10 horrible things men have done

  

No 3 - Emotionally exploited us

Because I didn't ask my partner to do all the emotional labour I also have no responsibility for it becoming that way.

Men exploit women emotionally in relationships and that means we have no strength left for ourselves or each other. This practice lays the groundwork for the patriarchy and is thereby one of mens worst crimes. And not only that, they make us do it voluntarily. Because we are dependent on his validation of us to become whole (or as whole as possible) human beings in this society we then bow to his superiority. We even desire oppression.

 No 8 - Not being able to handle feelings

Because I have no contact with my emotional life I will lie and say everything is fine. Instead it becomes up to you to interpret my signals and adjust your self. That's handy because then I don't have to take any responsibility.

 To say that things are fine when they are not. To not comfort you when you cry because you are "too old for that". To make his own shortcomings into that of the woman by telling her not to "cry like a baby". Or just all the other ways men refuse to handle his own and other peoples feelings. That fucking sucks. I am tired of curling men who  DOESN'T GET IT or doesn't want to get it! Luckily I don't have to do that anymore and that is something that fills me with joy every day. It's such a relief to not have to take care of mens retarded and shit-boring emotional life. It's like there is never any movement? Just an endless ranting.

 No 9 - Make us doubt our selves and eachother

She went into a relationship where she got less relationship VOLUNTARILY. And because it was voluntary it's automatically right.

They instil a feeling of that we can's trust our selves, our relationships with eachother or thoughts. Simply: we are forced to internalise their hatred of us into our selves. It's awful because it makes us hate our selves and eachother. This internalised hate of women is so difficult to stop and it's constantly topped up because we have men surrounding us.

I chose these 3 points because I want to talk about the thing that underpins our society: Mens lack of emotional labour. I will probably come back to this because it is so fundamentally saturating. Not teaching our boys to do emotional labour is by far the most damage one can do individually to our society. Not only does it leave the boys them selves to grow up into some sort of deluded half humans, distant from them selves and everyone around them, unable to express their own emotions or form lasting connections. We also create an army of emotional abusers. 

The patriarchy will never fall unless we stop living under the pressure of mens emotional control. There are two choices really. Either keep talking and hope that the men around you will one day understand what we are saying and be there when they are needed and not suck us dry of all energy. Or cut out these emotional vampires entirely from your life.

Stop living in the illusion that men are somehow easier than us, that we just complicate things, the reality is the most simple explanation. They just don't give a shit. They don't! not on the same level. They don't see you, they don't see them selves. Don't doubt your self, when he sais things like "I only give compliments when you least expect it", it means "I enjoy my superiority over you".  When he sais "What do you expect me to do?" in that tone of voice that we all know, hear "Don't expect me to be there for you as I expect you to be there for me". Don't doubt that hollow feeling, the feeling that if you could just do the right thing or feel the right way, it would all be so wonderful. You are not the only one who should be making it wonderful. And not in a way that can be bought or silenced. If you ask to be seen he has a responsibility to see you, you do not have a responsibility to want less! He isn't going to want less. Why are you not "this way" and accepted for that but he is? You should not be expected to trust someone who isn't there, who outright refuses to reassure you, or who would use your vulnerability against you to protect their own feelings of inadequacy. The message is always the same. Settle or lose. 

Now, I'm still in the category of the ones who still try to save my relationships with men. But studies show that women's mental health improves after divorces and that women with strong female relationships do far better than women surrounded by men and that is no coincidence. Make no mistake, I have never felt as terrible as since the day I decided to approach men as whole human beings. They are not. Not because they couldn't be, we are all born the same..but because we all made them that way. And we need to stop so it isn't too late for the next generation as well. I need all men in my life to step up and do their emotional labour right now! 

The only time I give you emotional validation is when I feel the relationship is threatened. Why should I make you feel safe and loved unnessecarily?

As a last point I just want to add this one:

 No 6 - Do not appreciate us

Despite claiming our whole world they have no appreciation for what they get. This is so incredibly ignorant and disgusting. Can't you at least appreciate the patriarchy if you're going to insist on keeping half the population in oppression? Isn't that the least one can ask? God, if I had been a man I would have damn well enjoyed it, but instead they walk around in a cloud of nothingness. Such a fucking waste.

Read the whole blogpost here.

If you read Swedish, go in and check her out, she is amazing.