"What kind of men have you met exactly? We're all different. How young are they? I don't like your generalising of 'all men' here, that's sexist."
My friends lover meets the awkward silence, the wall of exhaustion at this predictable response.
"95% of men really does deserve a generalisation, we all have these experiences, you can't know that better than we do."
She has heard it all before.
Navigating the world as a free woman has taught me a very strange lesson. Men are afraid of free women. As a married woman you can flirt, you can be provocative, you can pretty much behave as you like and make any gestures you feel like, men will love it. Before their hearts break and their tears pour into my cup of male tears. But with no repercussions. As a married woman you don't, by default, create any assumption that you mean it. There is no obligation to follow through, no want of commitment. And I mean from my side, not theirs! Many a man wants to commit to one already taken.
This is not the case when you are free. I can not speak with passion anymore, I can not be the one who throws stones on a balcony window, I can not live as I feel in the same way anymore.. Even if I now were to behave in the same way as I used to, with the same intentions, I am now a danger to mens liberty. They conjure up images of snares and traps and emotional outbursts are strictly reserved for the logic of the male mind. Men still imagine us as machines with a code that will get them things and it seems they are the ones who needs to make all of the decisions and take all action or the world will end! And of course we are all scurrying around looking for a stable relationship because were will we be without a head of our house hold..! It does not matter how little intention there is for a practical seriousness, they will find the evidence and pull away in horror. Charming.
It makes me sad though, how badly it affects us all, how we change to please while respecting them a little bit less every time...we all stand there, with our restricted emotions, our carefully chosen words because a mere 'hello' in the wrong tone will signal want of excessive commitment. Free women are the least liberated of all in this particular way.. It makes life unnecessarily boring.
I think my point is, if you feel targeted by this, which 95% of men will, I have one thing to say: All we want is to be allowed to feel freely, without shame or plan or retribution because feelings does not equal commitment. Lighten the fuck up. There is no need to be afraid. Suck that cowardliness right up, just because we are free does not make you a better catch. Clearly.
As someone once said to me, emotional intelligence is the only kind of intelligence that counts.
"Yeah, it's true, we're not allowed to express feelings, only men can do that, although I'm not a fan of it from either sides."
She rolls her eyes.
But of course he, the man standing in front of me wading through the awkward silence, is different. Just like all the other ones who behave exactly the same way. Just so different.
