"Being a feminist does not mean living as if post-patriarchy has already arrived, you can not live like that, being a feminist means acknowledging that the world is unequal and doing your part in working towards it not being so."
(Roughly translated and shortened from two of my favourite feminist podcasts. Swedish. The English ones must be hiding incredibly well!)
The good feminist is the woman (not girl) who makes all the right choices. She knows what to do. She hurts no one at the same time as she stands up for her self and all her sisters. She probably has short hair and a successful career but not in a capitalist way. She has many female friends. The good feminist doesn't feel the need to shave her legs or wear makeup and she equal opportunity dates. She doesn't hate men, she educates. She had her children by IUI. Or not.
Because she doesn't actually exist.
Not any more than the Good Girl. You remember her? The middle school version of the Good Feminist who everybody liked and she had the best grades and nicest dress at the school photo. No, I don't either. But we were all told to be her!
There is something exhaustingly heart breaking in the thought that the perfection of the good girl followed us into this, the very thing we were revolting against has now entered into the room in a different disguise.
"If you're such a feminist, why do you *insert any flaw here*?" Because I'm still a god damn human being! Wasn't that the point? Surely the point of feminism was to give us the choice to be fully human and do what we can to make the world better one step at a time, one person at a time, instead of a façade of perfection? Isn't the work towards equality, however small, and the will and the energy more worth than the heals on my feet or my lack of career ambition? But no, once again it has to be done to perfection or it's picked apart and deemed not worth a try. Usually by a man. Do you know how many times I will re-read this, like any of my feminist posts, to make sure it sounds good enough? To make sure it's not too offensive? Or just too pointless. Perfection drains the will to do any of this out of us all and I know that's the point. Maybe if you tell us we're not perfect enough at this either we'll just stop. "What do you even do about it anyway? Why don't you do something instead of just sitting there writing?" Do you not think I have heard that a million times before. Why do anything at all if you can not do it to perfection.
No. I do not have short hair or a career. Some of my choices, especially when it comes to my interactions with women, are very questionable. My legs are smooth as babies cheeks, but you know what? It doesn't make me any less of a believer in the cause. It doen't make my fire any less bright or the things that I can do any less worth. I am not the housekeeper of all the worlds feminist endeavours. I just do what I can on a little corner and that is enough. One corner is enough. And the rest of the time I just want to enjoy the fucking world a little like any other person. ( Oh and I can hear you say right now "why don't you just tell me what you do do then?" but I wont. Nothing gets better for me once again listing things and putting it up for judgement.)
No. I am not the good feminist. I don't want to fight every day of my life because we all know the world will still be a misogynist place long after I'm gone. After you're gone too. We didn't spend a thousand and one years as property to fix the thought patterns and assumptions of life in just over 100 years, surely you know that? And I am so tired...Despite that I do love this world, more than I will ever be able to express, and I want to live in it too while I'm here. And honestly, I doubt 'the Good Feminist' does overtime.
For anyone interested enough (or Swedish enough), listen to Penntricket & Postpatriarkatet as well. They have some amazing stuff to tell you.
Now I'm going to stay up very late, eat in bed naked and watch some new and shiny episodes of Girls. Because I can.
